The Box

So there’s this box somewhere floating around in our minds or in our culture or something. I’m not sure exactly where it is because I’ve never seen it. I’m not even sure whether it’s like a cardboard box or more like a steel shipping container. But whatever it is, it’s apparently pretty bad to be inside it, so they say.

“You’ve got to think outside the box.” Hmm. Why? Here’s what I keep thinking – isn’t the box there for a reason? Aren’t boxes meant to keep things inside? I think I understand the point of the saying – people are trying to say that you ought to think creatively, unconventionally, find new solutions, new perspectives. That’s cool. But don’t forget the box. If there were no box then there would be no outside the box, right? I think what people ought to say is, “redefine the box.” If you haven’t found the solution inside the box, then your box is too small. Get a bigger box. Get a deluxe box. Maybe a different shaped box. But you definitely don’t want to be box-less. They have institutions for people who really think outside the box.

And I’m sure all my Christian brothers and sisters have heard this one before, “Don’t put God in a box.” Excellent point. As a matter of fact, you shouldn’t put God anywhere, regardless of whether of not there’s a box involved. But I think too often some Christians are so determined to not put God in their box, that they don’t let Him in the box at all. Like my wife recently said, they end up "pushing God towards the supernatural or totally crazy." I used to think like that. God had to patiently teach me to let Him back inside the box, where He chooses to move in very natural and very rational ways. I think we ought to just say, “Don’t put a lid on God’s box.” Okay, that does sound a little silly now that I type it in black-and-white, but you know what I’m saying.

Don’t get me wrong. You gotta think big, think new. I’m just saying that I think the inside of the box gets a bad rap. What do you think about boxes?

M as in Meatloaf

“Hi, this is your local bank!”

“Hi, I’d like to check on the balance in my account, please”

“What’s you name please?”

“Ben”

“And what’s your last name, Dan?”

“It’s Ben.”

“Your name is Dan Dan?”

“No, my first name. It’s Ben!”

“Ben Dan?”

“Ben Smith!”

“Oh, Ben Smith! Mr. Smith, could you spell that for me?”

Okay, so that’s a little corny, but you all know what I mean. Sometimes it’s hard to be understood over the phone. And to make matters worse, spelling things doesn’t help. With our silly alphabet every other letter sounds the same as another.

The military never has any trouble with this. As you know, they’ve developed a word for every letter of the alphabet so as to be crystal clear. You see it all the time in movies when they receive the ominous nuclear missile launch code: “Alpha Tango Bravo Foxtrot, confirmed sir. Commencing obliteration of that former soviet splinter cell run by a power hungry dude from one of those small Eastern European countries who blames the US for the death of his beautiful wife and four-year-old daughter. Aye, sir!”

Well we common, movie-going citizens aren’t ones to be left out of all the action. So we seemed to have formed our own club with our own secret codes within our splinter cell offices and homes. You know, when you’re on the phone and you have to spell something out, there’s commonly accepted words to use. Like, “My name is Ben. That’s B as in boy, E, N as in Nancy.” Also included is M as in Mary, F as in Frank, and D as in dog. Apparently only names and words that might appear in a kindergarten reader are eligible for the secret list.

But what if we changed all that? What if we threw a curve ball at the unsuspecting telephone customer service representative on the other end of the line? You could spell your whole name using the most random words you can imagine. “That’s B as in boomerang, E as in eyeball, N as in none-of-your-business!”

Or you could give them a vocabulary quiz using letters like A as in altruism, or T as in transcontinental! Or you could pick a theme, like food, geography, or disgusting bodily functions! I think that would help make the drone of the poor telephone rep’s day a little more interesting.

If you’re more the belligerent type, you could purposefully use words that make things more confusing. There are words that don’t help at all, like I as in I or T as in tea. Or you could use words that sound like other letters, like W as in why, E as in eye, or C as in cue. Or, my personal favorite, words that are other letters, like D as in double-u.

In case you’re having trouble coming up with your own examples. Here are some ideas to get you started:

Use the actual military alphabet:
Alpha Bravo Charlie Delta Echo Foxtrot Golf Hotel India Juliet Kilo Lima Mike November Oscar Papa Quebec Romeo Sierra Tango Uniform Victor Whiskey X-Ray Yankee Zulu

Or here is my alphabet:
Altruism Blasphemy Canker sore Double-U Euphemism Phone Gangrenous Hour Incendiary Juanita Krakatoa Light year Michelob Nonchalant Oh! Plebian Questionable Raul Seismic activity Tonsillitis Unequivocal Vivisect Why Roman numeral 10 Yen Zealot

Or create a themed alphabet:
The Redneck code should include A as in the Alamo, G as in gun rack, and Y as in yee-haw!

I’d love to get your ideas too. And if you’re actually brave enough to try any of these, let us know how it goes.

In with the In-Laws

To wrap up these blog featurettes on family, I’ve gotta give props to God for His creativity. I didn’t really get to choose my parents or siblings, but God blessed me with an awesome family. I did choose my wife, and was blessed that God lead me to the most beautiful and precious one around. And though I chose my wife, I couldn’t choose who her parents would be. But even they’re awesome and loving too! It’s like God just wanted to bless me with the best people on the planet for family, and He’s made a specific point of saying He’ll do it no matter what degree of choice I have in the matter!

My mother and father in-law are some of the most generous and selfless people I know. They’ve taken me in with arms open wider than I ever imagined of in-laws, and they’ve smothered my wife and me with love and support. Often I’m more afraid that they’ll spoil our young marriage. But they either don’t agree or don’t care, cuz they just keep giving. They have us over all the time (often last-minute), feed us, advise us, entertain us, and give us too much in the way of gifts.

I’m honored that they call me their favorite son, which is fun because my wife is an only child. And I love to call them mom and dad, which can be confusing because they’re not my only parents. And every time I’m with them, I can’t help thinking “This is how it’s supposed to be!” Too many people have in-law problems, or at least consider it good to be on a first name basis. But my mom and dad in-law have become a second family. I mean, the family I grew up with is outstanding, but this is what it’s like to become family. And I think that’s what it’s like in God’s house. They’ve demonstrated His heart in the way that He takes somebody in and drowns them in affirmation and gifts until they feel they belong.

Thanks Mom and Dad!

Unparalelled Parents

As I continue my blog featurettes on those near and dear to my heart, I’m excited to post something about the two most incredible people I know. My parents. Now my blog readership at this point probably still only consists of friends and family, so most of you are already acquainted with “The VM’s.” But as much as they might mean to all of you, there’s no way you could ever understand how much I love, appreciate, respect, honor, and enjoy my mom and dad.

I don’t really have the words or the time to express all the awesome things that they’ve done! I mean, they’ve been investing their lives in me since birth! And not only did they do the normal obligations of parents like put food on the table and a roof over my head, but they poured out endless love, encouragement, inspiration, discipline, advice and support. They’ve put way more of themselves into me than any other parents of any other children that I’ve ever seen. I can’t even begin to fathom the debt I owe them! Cuz it’s not just the big things like sending me to Sunday school or paying for several semesters of college that has helped me to this point in life, but simply their constant devotion, day in and day out, to being loving parents.

Now I could go on about how awesome their parenting has been, but you might as well just attend one of their parenting classes. Or I could talk about how their marriage, very tried and very true, has made our family a source of unconditional love, but you might as well ask them about the premarital counseling they do. Instead, I’m just trying to express to you how much I think of them – and I can’t! I mean, these people are outstanding, wise, caring, thoughtful, smart, and… and they’ve invested their time in me?!

My mom is the most awesome mom on the planet! Not only has she cared for me unceasingly, but she’s also one of the coolest ladies I know. And her thoughtfulness and advice continue to be one of the most valuable blessings. And my dad is the best dad I could imagine having! Not only did he teach me cool stuff like how to play chess or eat an ice cream cone, but he’s also continued to be a source of wisdom and an example of character.

Oh, and did I mention that they’re the coolest and funnest parents around! Even my friends think so!

Sibling Revelry

I don’t think any two people simply enjoy being related as much as my sister and I. Seriously, it’s a blast! I mean, once we both made it out of our annoying jr. high phases, I think it clicked and we realized how cool it was that we got to be siblings. I still kinda don’t get how it's so awesome.

First of all, my sister is hilarious. Her brand of creatively random humor stuns me. Like, how does she come up with that? Her jokes always have me rolling in the aisles, figuratively of course (Literally, her jokes have me jumping around clapping furiously and pointing at her; but don’t ask). And you should see the impressions she does of me and our mom and dad! Hi-larious! Although I guess family impressions are kind of an inside joke type of thing. Which brings me to the second point…

I think at some point we both realized that of all the people on the entire planet, we have more in common than with anyone else. I mean, we grew up in the same place, at the same time, in the same house, with the same parents, at the same church, and at the same school. And, lo and behold, that means we pretty well understand where each other is coming from, in a life-long world-view kind of sense. Then, when our old school closed, she had to finish high school somewhere else and now she’s going to a different college than I did too. So our lives sort of diverged in similarity, and then I think we realized how much it meant to have someone that came from the same place.

So now she totally inspires me with her drive to pursue God’s work and wisdom. I think we inspire each other, which is what makes it so uniquely cool. Her friendship and wit make me feel at home and keep me on my toes. She’s an outstanding person and I can’t believe that I get to be her brother.

Oh, and did I mention that she’s flippin’ hilarious.

Wifey

Today, I’ve been married for 515 days (but who’s counting, right?). And let me tell you that it’s been the best 515 days of my life!

For those of you who are lucky enough to know my wife, congratulations! You’re acquainted with an outstanding woman. And you’re aware of how lucky I am.

In fact, I just reviewed Proverbs 31, that famous chapter of the Bible that talks about a wife of noble character. Verses 11 – 29 offer a description of this woman. And out of those 18 versus, 16 are true of my wife! One verse doesn’t apply since we haven’t had children yet, and the other I can’t figure out what a distaff is or something about grasps the spindle with her fingers. So unless you can find a mother holding a distaff – my wife is the tops! And, by the way, I know verse 30 says beauty is fleeting, but she’s got that too. In case you were wondering.

For those of you who think I’m just brown-nosing here, think again. My wife doesn’t really keep up with my postings unless I tell her I wrote something hilarious and make her come read it. My wife really is all that and a bag of chips (low sodium, baked not fried, of course)!

If you’ve had any length of conversation with me at all in the last 515 days you’ve heard me say this… A friend of mine from high school, who got married just before I did, described marriage perfectly as I’ve experienced it. She said, “It’s like you get to have a slumber party with your best friend every night.” Seriously! These last 515 days have been the most fun and the most meaningful. It’s like God put her in my life as an instrument of joy and growth. Her voice and her smile make my heart feel like it’s gonna bust with warmth. And my love and devotion to this precious treasure keeps me focused on growing spiritually so that I can be the best possible husband for her. I literally do not have words to describe what a blessing she is.

Oh, and she smokin’ hot!