How to write good

Alright, I think this blog’s about due for another knee-slapper. So here it is. Another post straight from experience at The Chamber College. It’s not hilarious, but it’ll do. A colleague posted this in the staff lounge. Check it out: (and if you don’t get any of the jokes, just ask the nearest English teacher)

How to Write Good:

1) Always avoid alliteration.
2) Prepositions are not word to end sentences with.
3) Avoid clichés like the plague.
4) Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
5) Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6) Parenthetical marks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7) It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8) Contractions aren’t necessary.
9) Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10) One should never generalize.
11) As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
12) Don’t be redundant and don’t use more words that necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
13) Profanity sucks.
14) Be more or less specific.
15) Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
16) On word sentences? Eliminate.
17) Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
18) The passive voice is to be avoided.
19) Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
20) Who needs rhetorical questions?