Who's to say?

if THEY didn't get it...

2009-01-07T22:40:00.001-08:00

Well... it's been awhile since I've posted anything. So I'm mostly figuring that all my family and friends have stopped reading these ramblings of mine. But I came across these old posts by chance and I thought I go ahead and add a new one. It's along the same lines of the rest of the quasi-serious posts here, so I thought it would be a good place to pick back up.

And, to give credit where credit is due... the gist of this idea came from my lovely, and surprisingly wise wife/bff:

So, Jesus was walking around on this planet with these twelve guys for like three years. They ate with him, walked with him, talked with him, and breathed the same air he breathed. Yet even in times near the end of his extensive ministry, Jesus was still telling them things like, "No no no. Don't you guys get it yet? What I've been trying to teach you all along is..."

And now 2,000 years later, in a different time and place and culture, with merely a smidgen of an inkling of all the things he said and did, some of us Christians have the gall to act like we've got it all figured out and everybody else is stupid. If those twelve disciples didn't get it, how can we assume that we've got it down pat?

I'm not trying to say the truth is relative. I'm just saying, "Let's have a little grace. Shall we?"

Mystery

2006-02-25T12:37:00.000-08:00

Besides being a really good for a game of hang-man, mystery is a word that I’ve been thinking about more and more recently. I think God is an awesome mystery! And I think it’s something that we can tend to lose sight of.

The more you know about Him, the more you know how little you really know about Him. It’s impossible to imagine just how big and majestic He really is; which also means it’s impossible to imagine how much grace it takes for Him to be small enough to relate with us.

And I’m beginning to see that I’ve never really been able describe Him. God is a person of boundless love, and endless goodness, and His ways are far above my ways, and His thoughts above my thoughts. And I’m beginning to think that artists have it right. I don’t think all our rational thinking, logical discussion, and concrete doctrine can even begin to define Him. I think the closest pictures of God are seen in music, poetry, and other arts, like dance.

There’s something about music that reaches the heart. And after all, that’s where Jesus lives! The resonance, harmony, and emotion of music can somehow make us aware of Him without a single word. Whereas poetry taps into the essence of words. And after all, Jesus is the Word! God’s words have creative power. And being made in His image, our words can echo that power, reminding us of our Source. And other arts too are able to express these mysteries of God.

I think God is somewhere behind ideas and words, somewhere behind emotions and expressions, behind actions and motives. He’s at least greater than the sum of His parts. He’s spirit, and that alone is mysterious to us body-bound creatures.

Now I guess none of these descriptions are new or fantastic. And I hope you’ve had the chance to learn the same kind of thing in your walk with Him. I guess I’m just trying to share one of recent things I’m learning about Him. As God works and moves in my heart, I’m beginning to see that He is Heart too. And, I know, that sentence doesn’t make sense to me either. But neither does He.

Free Diving

2006-02-12T08:26:00.000-08:00

Well I feel like a lot of stuff has been going on, and I’ve been learning a heck of a lot. But every time I set down to blog something I just draw a blank. I suppose, in part, it’s just the frustration of the difficulty in relating the full reality of our experiences to you, our friends and family, who, though caring and concerned and supportive, are in fact thousands of miles away and have a day to get on with. It’s difficult to put 3D, multi-color reality into black and white. Lemme try this:

I think it’s like free-diving. You know, when you take your biggest breath and dive down as deep as you can to reach that green dive toy in the deep end, or to get a closer look at that purple sea urchin. It was a fun struggle against the pressure to get down there, but now you’re running out of breath and you need to get back to the surface quick. You push off the bottom, jet for the top, and you feel your chest quiver as you fight the urge to breath in. Those last 5 feet are the worst, as you feel like your lungs are full of fire, you’re sure you won’t make it. You close your eyes and concentrate, trying to shutting out the pain. You’re…al…most…there.

So imagine that pain is like homesickness. I think that’s kinda where I’m at. But as I close my eyes and concentrate, I find that God is still teaching me some pretty awesome stuff. But by this point in the post, I’ve typed, deleted, re-typed, and re-deleted several paragraphs trying to give you a good example. It’s tough. I guess you’ll just have to take me out for coffee sometime in May and we can catch up. Starbucks vanilla latte, no foam, please. For the mean time, believe me, I’m trying to come up with something interesting to say.

The Ultimate Box

2006-01-28T14:23:00.000-08:00

I know, I know. You're all thinking, "Ben! When are you gonna let go of this BOX thing?" Well, I think this'll be the last post.

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about. I've posted a couple of times before about whether or not there should be a proverbial box around our thoughts and beliefs. To read those rantings click here and then here.

But in relation to my last post, I just had to offer this picture as The Ultimate Box. It's a shadow box, to be exact, found at the front door of one of my friend's neighbors here in Malta. A shadow box, for those of you who may have skipped that craft class at your church's last family retreat, has a glass front for displaying little trinkets, models, or memorabilia for hanging on the wall. This one happens to display a bust of Jesus wearing a bloody crown of thorns and carrying a cross accompanied by a couple of birdies.

Some people have put God in that proverbial box, but these folks have put him in a literal one.

Keepin' It Real

2006-01-19T06:06:00.000-08:00

Since the day we arrived in Malta, Jessica and I have been amazed at the abundance of Christian phrases and quotes and symbols to be found all over the island. People don't just name their houses after saints, they've got bumper stickers too saying "My heart belongs to Jesus" or "No Jesus. No Peace. Know Jesus. Know Peace." or "John 3:16."

Lots of times, it sounds like something distinctly Protestant, "Jesus is the only way." But that sticker is on every other car, and there's hardly that number of dynamic believers in the country. It's more just a matter of culture. Tradition. A social obligation.

And it's kinda frustrating sometimes, feeling like people are stealing my passion, or cheapening the sticker I might have on my car, or just tricking me into hoping that driver might actually be a kindred spirit. But in the end, more than anything, it makes me stop and think what a bumper sticker's really for. Why do I wear my "christian" t-shirt? Does my WWJD bracelet really remind me to always ask what Jesus would do? Here it is in the words of one of the best ever Christian musicans, Steven Curtis Chapman:

Well I got myself a T-shirt that says what I believe
I got letters on my bracelet to serve as my ID
I got the necklace and the key chain
And almost everything a good Christian needs

I got the little Bible magnets on my refrigerator door
And a welcome mat to bless you before you walk across my floor
I got a Jesus bumper sticker
And the outline of a fish stuck on my car
And even though this stuff's all well and good
I cannot help but ask myself--

What about the change
What about the difference
What about the grace
What about forgiveness
What about a life that's showing
I'm undergoing the change

So, what christian symbols do you wear, stick, or keep around you? Whatever it is, make sure it really means something. Or one of my favorite lines from a Michael W. Smith song with a similar theme: Are you holding the key or are you intending to pick the lock of heaven's gates?

That Puzzle

2006-01-05T03:52:00.000-08:00

A puzzle from English class (but not for your typical ESL student).

The following sentence is, in fact, grammatically correct, but punctuation is needed to make sense of it. I sure couldn't do it and neither could my students. Can you add the necessary punctuation (, . ? ; : ' " etc.) and give me an explanation? Leave a comment with your answer, or email me. 10 points will be awarded to the person who has the most fun trying to solve it :) I'll post the answer next week. Here is is:

He said that that that that that man said was correct.

Now it's next week. The answer is below. No more points can be awarded.

Question #29

2005-12-28T10:30:00.000-08:00

Not long ago, every member of Word of Life took a spiritual gifts test at the Tuesday night Bible Study meeting as a step to getting people more involved in ministries at the church. It was really great especially to see several of the newer Christians look at their results and excitedly “discover” a potential gift. I myself hadn’t done a spiritual gifts test for some time, and it was good too do one again. But the subject of this post is one question in particular, number twenty-nine:

I believe that God will help me to accomplish great things.

All the question are supposed to be answered on a little rating of 0 to 3 (0 being no/disagree/never, and 3 being yes/agree/always), easy stuff. I had whizzed through questions 1 to 28, but I got stuck for a minute on this one. I have been asking this question of myself for years.

I had been told as a child that I could be anything. When my parents asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I confidently said, “the President.” And they confidently replied, “Awesome!” And I grew up with great Bible stories like David and Goliath, or the boy’s measly 5 loaves and 2 fish that Jesus used to feed over 5,000. I knew God could do great things with my little self, so I had big dreams.

But then when I got to Jr. High and High School, the adults in my life started saying strange things like, “Ben, you’re a natural leader. You’ve got the qualities of a leader. You’re ahead of your peers.” I thought that was all well and good, but I couldn’t figure out why, if I was a leader, was there nobody following me? Was I doing something wrong? I guess they were trying to encourage me, but I ended up more disappointed in myself. Their constant encouragement felt more and more like unmet expectations. To this day, I’m still not sure if it was the right thing for me to hear at that time. If a young person is a natural leader shouldn’t we just let them grow into it? I mention this story specifically because I know that there are a few of you readers who are or have been youth group pastors. For those students in youth groups who are “natural leaders” should we really be telling them so, or spending extra time with them, or anything? What do you think? I remember one situation in particular when the teachers of our school chose four or five of us “leaders” to go on an extra cool excursion as a team building activity. But we didn’t grow especially close, and I don’t know whether the other kids are in any kind of “leading” capacity today. I only remember the looks and comments I got from all the “regular” kids when we came back to school, cause they didn't get to go.

Anyways, through that time I also figured out that I have a heart for missions. So I dreamed of graduating High School, moving off to some exotic pagan land, preaching to hundreds, with signs and miracles etc. So when I ended up trudging through lecture after lecture of a humanities course in a secular college, I wondered what God was doing with me. I argued a lot with God, and I was angry with Him. Why did He give me these illusions of grandeur?

At the same time, however, He showed me, in that gentle way that only He knows, that His hand was on me and that He was leading me one step at a time. I held on to the words of one of the godly women in my church. As she was praying over one sunday me she encouraged me by saying, "Don't be anxious about getting there, about becoming something. God's got a story He wants to work into your life." And today I'm confident that He has lead me exactly where He wants me.

But today I'm hesitant about saying exactly where God will take me in the future. How "great" does God want me to be? What "great" things does God want me to do? I don't know. That's up to Him. My dreams and expectations were disappointed because they haven't been realized (yet, at least in the time frame I had imagined). But I'm not disappointed with where I am now. In fact, I count myself to be the most blessed man on the planet. So maybe my expectations were just too much or too fast or something. Like I was recently telling someone - sometimes we need to give ourselves room to be smaller than our dreams. Maybe some of us dream too big and set unrealistic expectations. Maybe others dream too small and need to be encouraged to realize their full potential in Him. How will you answer question twenty-nine?

On a side note, question twenty-nine was targeted at measuring whether you have a particular spiritual gift of faith. And while this question was tough for me, the test as a whole still scored faith in my top three possible gifts.

How to write good

2005-12-16T09:05:00.000-08:00

Alright, I think this blog’s about due for another knee-slapper. So here it is. Another post straight from experience at The Chamber College. It’s not hilarious, but it’ll do. A colleague posted this in the staff lounge. Check it out: (and if you don’t get any of the jokes, just ask the nearest English teacher)

How to Write Good:

1) Always avoid alliteration.
2) Prepositions are not word to end sentences with.
3) Avoid clichés like the plague.
4) Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
5) Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6) Parenthetical marks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7) It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8) Contractions aren’t necessary.
9) Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10) One should never generalize.
11) As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
12) Don’t be redundant and don’t use more words that necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
13) Profanity sucks.
14) Be more or less specific.
15) Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
16) On word sentences? Eliminate.
17) Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
18) The passive voice is to be avoided.
19) Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
20) Who needs rhetorical questions?

Missions: Impossible?

2005-12-10T03:54:00.000-08:00

Homesickness is a funny thing. I remember when I was a little kid, I couldn’t even spend a night away from home without going bezerk. Even at my best friends’ houses I got scared and missed my mom and dad. You can even ask ‘em today (they’re still good friends) about how I cried and my dad had to come pick me up and take me home at 10:30. I guess every kid has a phase like that, but I think mine lasted a bit longer than normal. I remember being embarrassed for myself, feeling sorry for making my dad drive all that way, and then feeling like a big wuss afterward.

Now today I’m 10,000 miles away from home, as I have been for almost 7 months now, and the homesickness is a little different. I’m not bawling for my mommy at 10:30 (although I do miss you like crazy, Mom) or anything like that. But I think the most interesting difference is people's understanding. I don’t have to be embarrassed because I know I’m not alone. When people say things like, “It must be tough” or “How’s the homesickness?” or something like that, then I know that they sympathize and they’d feel homesick too. It’s nice to feel normal.

But then sometimes I wonder, for a guy with a heart for missions, how much homesickness is normal? When my wife and I came to Malta, I was thinking, “No problem! We love traveling and experiencing new cultures! We’ll be great missionaries, we could live anywhere!” But since we’ve been here I’ve been thinking, “Man, there really is no place like home! I miss talking to people who understand me. I miss 24 hour supermarkets, and clearly labeled prices. And why should we live anywhere other than with our family?”

Now I understand that missionaries are just people too. If you prick them, do they not bleed? If you take them 10,000 miles away, do they not get homesick? But I guess I expected not to. So I’ve been wondering if I really am cut out for the whole missions thing. Maybe I’m meant to be a mobilizer at home. Maybe I’m meant to be a short-term supporter. Maybe it’s okay to be as homesick as anyone else, just without letting it stop me.

In any case, I’m confident that God has been guiding our every step, and will continue to do so. And that in Him all things are possible, missions too. But I'd especially love to hear from any of you "missionaries" out there on the topic.

Legalism?

2005-11-30T07:49:00.000-08:00

One day a talented engineer kicked the bucket. Although he was an exceptionally good person, nobody can really be good enough to earn a place in Heaven, and unfortunately He didn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ either. So he went to Hell.

Of course he didn’t like it much, and he (being the talented engineer that he was) decided to do something about it. He drew up some plans, put ‘em on blueprints, and started installing things like escalators and air conditioning.

God up in Heaven was like, “Hey, this can’t be right! That guy’s pretty cool, I think I want him up here.” And He says to Satan, “There’s been some mistake. That talented engineer guy belongs with Me.”

And Satan’s like, “No way, Dude! He’s mine, and I really like him.”

So God says, “Hey look! If you don’t send him up here right now, I’m gonna sue!”

So Satan replies, “Yeah? And where do You think You’re gonna get a lawyer?”

Ha! There’s another great lawyer joke for ya’! I just heard it a couple weeks ago. Sorry to all the lawyers out there, but you can never hear enough great lawyer jokes. For me, this joke came at a peculiar time in my life. Over the last many weeks I’ve been rethinking my ideas about that nasty word: legalism. I’ve got a few cool quotes from other sources, and even a few quotable sayings of my own that I want to get out there. I’d really appreciate your feedback.

You see, I used to have a pretty limited idea of “legalism.” The word reminded me of the Pharisees in Jesus’ day. They had like a million stupid little rules which they imposed on everyone which made them feel good and others feel bad. Today that might look like a church that monitors every minor detail of the members’ lives in order to critique and judge them. I heard a friend recently talk about how his mother was once kicked out of a church because she didn’t tithe. Gimme a break! That’s legalistic.

But I’ve also been learning that legalism can be a rather subtle attitude as well. One can preach gospel truth, but with this attitude or approach it can come across as condemning. And the trouble for me has been that it can be difficult to identify. Call me crazy, but I like to focus on God’s grace and mercy. I like to talk about how we’ll never really be good enough, but that God loves us just the same and has a great plan of living for us. Unfortunately, this approach can be confused and abused by those with a different attitude.

A friend of mine recently handed me a pamphlet on the topic, called Law and Grace: Conscience & License. One point says:

Grace is a dangerous doctrine. It is open to gross misrepresentation and involves God in the risk of his own reputation. This does not make it any less true. In fact if it is not preached in a manner which does not raise this danger it is not being preached in all its radical truth.

I like that part about God risking his own reputation. I think a lot of Christians talk about God’s holiness, and justice, and his hatred for sin because they’re trying to make sure that they don’t give God a bad rap. Perhaps they think that if they only say “Jesus loves you” then people will get the wrong idea, that they’ll think that God is some pansy in the sky that’ll let you walk all over him and only say, “No problem, man. Make love, not war. Alright?” I guess it’s an honest motivation, to present an accurate picture of God. But I think God doesn’t need anyone to stand up for Him. He can handle Himself, thank you very much. And He did risk His rep. He let His own creation torture and kill Him. It may seem like a big risk, but I’m confident He won’t lose.

Another passage in that pamphlet talks about holiness/sanctification saying:

The New testament teaches us both about what God has done for us in Christ, and about how we should respond to him in repentance, faith, obedience, service etc. [But] if one takes all the injunctions concerning our response, without the initial context concerning his grace one can actually use New Testament statements to teach salvation by human effort. The human response becomes all important, as an end in itself. This kind of teaching does not produce holiness. It does produce all the characteristics of legalism; despair, pride, judgment, loss of joy, etc.

In here I like the part about the initial context concerning his grace. It can be a very subtle omission talking about how we should live as Christians without this context. It seems like some Christians think that being saved is a one time, instantaneous thing, in which Jesus does everything He can for us. And from that point on it’s our own responsibility to become perfect. But, like the quote says, that would be earning our salvation (after the fact) and it doesn’t produce the holiness desired. Instead, I like to talk about how awesome God’s grace is. I think people find the hope and inspiration and security and strength they need when they really see His love. And then they can respond in a good way. Like my pastor said at our most recent Bible study, “When they understand that grace, many other things fall into place in their life.” My pastor here in Malta is a cool guy. Pray that he’ll continue to say cool stuff like that.

Now, speaking of teaching for results, I’ve had a couple quotable thoughts of my own:

Telling somebody the right thing to do does not necessarily enable him/her to do it.

Telling somebody that they’re doing something wrong does not necessarily enable him/her to change it.

Altogether, I’m saying that giving a person a canned answer to their problem can be really crushing sometimes. There are those cool people in the world who simply know the right thing to do and do it. Period. End of discussion. But those people are few and far between. Most of us are broken people, confused people, hurting people, and simply weak people. We need someone to spend time caring and listening and validating our thoughts and feelings. If someone simply reminds us how imperfect we are, it’s very condemning. Very legalistic.

I know this post is getting long, and your mom is calling you to dinner, so I’ll just mention one more quote, this one from The Purpose Driven Life:

In a courtroom, a witness isn’t expected to argue the case, prove the truth, or press for a verdict; that’s the job of attorneys. Witnesses simply report what happened to them or what they saw. Jesus said, “You will be my witnesses,” not “You will be my attorney.”

Miss Wormwood…

2005-11-27T17:30:00.000-08:00

May I be excused? My brain is full.

I know my blog frequency was spotty for a few months there, and now I’ve passed over two months without a peep! Sorry about that. But I figure if you’re reading this, you’ve forgiven me. So, thanks.

I’ve been learning a heck of a lot in the last two months (pretty much exactly since the last post) about people, life, etc. I still don’t have all the answers, and I’m still processing a lot of it. It’s part of the reason for the lack of posts. The emotional overload has been quite an experience, and I’ve spent my spare minutes thinking, praying, and coping with it all. I’m happily confident however that it’s all valuable life experience, seeing as how I have the best Teacher in the world. Also you’ll be happy to know that it’s given me a lot of great blog material.

That plus the fact that we now have DSL means that I’m once again saying, “I hope to blog more often now.” I know, I know, “We’ll see about that, Ben.” And we will.

For now, the main update is the resolution to the last post. We’ve decided to stick with our commitment here in Malta for one-year. Although several things in the last couple of months have made us want to go home sooner, that wasn’t really the question back in September. At that time we were wondering if we should stay longer than a year. But by now the Lord had made it clear that one year is just right. So, I’ll say to all of you back home, “We can’t wait to see you in the Spring!” We don’t have an exact return date yet, but we will soon.

What will we do when we get home? I don’t know. That’s the next ginormous question. And if I ever have an answer, I’ll let you know. Until then, I’ve got a few thoughts to share from these last few months. I’ll try and get ‘em out on the blog soon.

(And for all those who could identify the opening comic quote – give yourself 3 extra points)

Plans

2005-09-12T19:50:00.000-07:00

And the Prophet spake unto Hezamicha saying, "Thus saith the LORD, 'Thou shalt form a six month plan, set a five year goal, and open a Roth IRA. Thusly shall I bless you and your children all the days of your life, if you do these things in My name. And in your coming out and going in you shall say, "Thus has the LORD instucted me to plan according to the word He gave to me saying, 'Plan in My name.'"'" Hezamicha 9:12

Okay, so that's not exactly the inspired Word of God. But has anyone else wondered how exactly this is supposed to work? And by "this" of course I mean "living like a responsible adult." It's a topic that has been brought up recently by more than one of my mentors and counselors, so it's got the wheels turning in my head. How does God expect us to go about planning for the furture? On the one hand, God has provided each of us with rational thought and wisdom, which He expects us to use. And on the other, there's the idea of living by faith and trusting God to guide and provide. I think I'm beginning to see that the trick is to learn that they don't really oppose one another.

Now I don't yet have a lot of elloquent thoughts on the theological implications of various arguments, but I thought I'd throw this one out there to see what y'all think. As Jessica and I continue to pray for the Lord's guidance in certain situations (the most obvious of which is the fact that we're currently 10,000 miles from home) I think that He is guiding us as we plan in various ways. But one of the main questions is still, "Exactly how far ahead does He expect us to plan?" I don't know. Who does?

Taboos and Issues

2005-08-21T19:30:00.000-07:00

For those of you who haven't been checking out the updates on Ben and Jess' Blog, you'll be happy to know that the Lord has blessed me with a job. I'm teching English at new EFL school here in Malta called The Chamber College. It's a blast!

Among many other things, the school has a mini resource area for the teachers, where all kinds of books and curricula are available for lesson planning. Among the many useful classroom tools is an awsome, spiral-bound, photocopied little book called Taboos and Issues. It's basically just a bunch of news snippets, activities, and questions to act as conversation starters about, well... taboos and issues. One of the chapters is called "Politically Incorrect". It's hilarious because there's a page full of jokes, which they're saying people might find offensive. So you're supposed to read the jokes and mark how offended you are on the scale, and then... NOT TELL THEM TO OTHERS!? Yeah right! They're hilarious! Here's three of the funniest that I hadn't heard before: (if you're offended, then... well... I'm sorry. mark it on the scale.)

Q: What has four legs and eight arms?
A: A pit-bull terrier on a children's playground.

Q: Why do Italian men wear lots of gold chains?
A: So they know where to stop shaving.

A Limmerick:
There once was a man from Calcutta
Who had such a terrible stutter
He said, "Pass the h-ham,
And the j-j-j-jam,
And the b-b-b-b-b-b-butter."

Who knows? Try the Maltese.

2005-08-17T19:30:00.000-07:00

Ahh! It feels so good to be posting again! My best friend-in-law, Safiye, has been here in Malta visiting me and Jessica for the last two and a half weeks. We just saw her off this morning on her way back to California. We had so much fun and did all kinds of stuff non-stop. I think it was a good vacation for her, but she was also a great encouragement to us. She helped to confirm a lot of the things that Jessica and I have observed about life in Malta. We had a lot of long discussions and I think I’ve got a lot of thoughts I want to bounce around with y’all. I’d have posted sooner, but I was busy spending days snorkeling in the Blue Lagoon and evenings sitting in waterfront cafes. Ahh!

So… one thing that has become all the more evident over the last several weeks is a certain mindset of the males of Malta. Now I know it’s not a characteristic unique to the Maltese islands, but I do think it’s a tendency more of men than of women. The odd thing seems to be that it’s so annoyingly pervasive in this culture. It’s the underlying need to know everything, or at least to know something about everything.

I could bring up a completely random topic, like the mating habits of the ring-tailed lemurs of Madagascar, and suddenly every grown male in the room is talking like an expert! Okay, that’s a bit extreme of course, but it’s hard to explain. It’s partly just a cultural bluntness, partly a poorly disguised insecurity, and partly a mild type of chauvinism, I think.

It irks me pretty bad, but it’s not quite the same as other types of intellectual pride I’ve mentioned before. It’s not like that humanistic pride that says, “We know enough about science and culture now, we don’t need to believe in god(s) anymore.” It’s not like that religious pride that says, “I’ve got God defined to a ‘T’, and I pretty much understand Him as best as anyone can.” Maybe it doesn’t seem so bad because I can think of it as a cultural quirk among the people of a country 1/3 the size of my home town. Or maybe it’s just a low key kind of pride that makes conversations irksome, without feeling like there’s major spiritual implications. I don’t know.

But I am reminded yet again of one of the many amazing truths that my father has taught me, “Being right is over-rated.” It goes for marriages, friendships, and pretty much every relationship. I think if some of us men (not only those of Maltese descent) would spend more time genuinely listening instead of thinking about what we’re going to add to the conversation, people would feel a little more cared about. Since Safiye has been here, it has renewed our desire to be a presence of love and grace emphasized above (although still important) doctrinal correctness and perfection.

Bridgette's God

2005-07-30T00:45:00.000-07:00

Jessica and I have just recently met met a woman from Zimbabwe named Bridgette. She's in her late forties, white, with the accent of a native speaker of Afrikaans. She's been a Christian most of her life, raised two boys of her own, as well as other adopted/foster kids, and she has recently moved to Malta on business. She showed up at Word of Life Pentacostal Holiness Church a couple weeks ago out of the blue (I guess she found us on the internet or in the phone book or something). And in a small church that has yet to organize a greeting ministry, I was glad to be the first to make her feel welcome. So she took Jessica and I out for dinner earlier this week. And what a breath of fresh air!! Bridgette has an amazing heart! She's humble, gracious, and generous. But what's most refreshing is that she focuses on God's grace and mercy and has a heart for broken people. And that's hard to come by among Christians living in a Catholic country.

You see, the Church here has a unique job. Everyone here has already heard the Gospel. They know "Jesus saves." But how do you get them to see that they can have a personal relationship with Him instead of going through a priest or praying to a saint? It's hard to do with an attitude of love when the people you're trying to reach are so antagonistic about it. Even once you convince a person to follow the Word of God over the word of the Pope, the task of discipleship is tough. It's more about correcting their doctrine than introducing them to Jesus. And that leaves the Christians saying a whole of do not's and must not's and thou shalt not's. It's tough.

Jessica and I have been hoping that somehow we can be an influence of grace and mercy. We believe that by accepting people with all their faults, they'll see God's love, turn to Him, and then let the Holy Spirit convict and change them. Bridgette thinks so too, and is was really encouraging to have a little pow-wow session with someone who feels the same.

Now, don't get me wrong. The Church here isn't hostile or unmerciful. It's just that the focus on holy living and correct doctrine makes people talk more often about what folks are doing wrong, instead of talking about why they do those things and what hurts they must have. Also I should clarify that Catholicism in Malta is way different than back home in the U.S. There's a whole lot of non-biblical stuff incorporated into Catholicism, and although it's technically universal to the faith, we find that it's taken to the extreme here.

Back to Bridgette. One reason I'm writing this blog about her is because even she will admit that God's still teaching her how to accept a compliment. She's a wonderfully humble person and refuses most nice things I try to say about her. So I'll just say it here: She's incredibly wise, and people would benefit more to shut up and listen to what she has to say. Her heart for certain ministries is inspiring and I hope it catches on. And she's an example of generosity and a "cheerful giver."

Another reason is a prayer request. As you read this, and whenever else you think about it, please pray for her. Not only that God grants her material blessings (her company isn't being extremely helpful in getting her office up and running), but that she has an awareness of more of God's presence as well (she'd agree that that's the sweetest of all). And since she's been such an encouragement and affirmation to Jessica and I, I really want hert to be blessed in return, and so I'm asking y'all to help me pray.

And the last reason that I'm writing about Bridgette is because I think she's a perfect example of a non-missionary missionary. And since that was the last thing I wrote about, I wanted to share this story:

Bridgette was working in an office of a company that she partly owned. She had a receptionist girl who was raised Catholic, but remained Catholic mostly just in name and not much in practice. Bridgette never closed her door, and the girl often heard her talking to or about God. One day the girl asked Bridgette about her relationship with God, and from then on they often had discussions about spiritual things over coffee. Bridgette told her about a God of love who gave His life for hurting people.

The girl was a compassionate type who cared especially for animals. At the end of one day, coming out of the office, Bridgette saw the girl standing in the street crying and praying loudly. A stray dog had a serious head injury and was cowering in a corner of the street. It was hostile and would not let the girl approach it to help. As Bridgette came upon the scene, she heard the girl praying towards the sky, "I'm praying to Bridgette's God..."

Now, it seemed a lot of pressure on Bridgette at the time. She told the girl that by praying, she had left the problem at God's feet, and there was nothing more they could do. It turned out the next morning that the dog actually walked inside and allowed itself to be caught and taken to the vet.

But I think if just one person, one time, ever called on God as "Ben's God", then I would count my life a success. And I'm not sure I'll be satisfied until then. For someone to come to a knowledge of God because I am His servant and child... THAT is what it means to be a missionary!

John Doe, meet Jesus!

2005-06-30T23:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I lied. I surely thought I was gonna be posting as much or more than before. I hadn't thought that once you stop blogging it's hard to start up again. I'm learning that it's a habit, like reading your Bible, cleaning your kitchen, or picking your nose. I've got the last three of those down pat, but I gotta get back into the blog scene.

If any of you are still checking in on a regular basis, I'm not gonna make any promises, but keep checking in and maybe I'll get back into the swing of things. For now, my very good friend Dave asked me to explain a bit more about something I said in that last post about the Western concept of evangelism and missionaries...

I think the problem is that a lot of folks in America get the wrong idea of what it means to be a missionary. One popular idea is that missionaries are lonely souls, living in a hut in some tropical rainforest, teaching Bible stories to naked Indian children. Now that's one kind of missionary (and a very good kind indeed), but I think it scares a lot of people who are attached to their creature comforts. People can easily sit on their couch and say "In that case, I could never be a missionary!"

Another picture people have of missionaries is from the false impressions they get through gigantic evangelistic crusades. In this way it would seem that missionaries are outspoken theologians who travel to exotic lands to preach hellfire and brimstone.

Likewise, people get the wrong impression of missionaries through stories of trampled cultures. When boats full of white men land on foreign shores and conquer the natives, and in the name of religion say that it's for their own good, missionaries quickly look like big, fat hypocrites. But a missionary doesn't have to be any of those things. You can be a missionary without being a hermit, a preacher, or hypocrite.

A missionary is simply someone who sets out to obey the Great Comission. A quick look into any major missions organization will show you that all kinds of jobs are needed on today's mission field. Missions work has become a lot more complex in the last fifty years and all sorts of short-term or part time support is needed. With whatever talent you have, or whatever time you'll give - you can and should be a missionary.

Part of the deal that once scared me about being a "missionary" was that I thought that meant I would have to become an "evangelist." Even if one has a good impression of evangelists (we won't talk about televangelists or the "God hates gays" sign-holders outside of every public gathering) that still means you've got to pass out tracts or say "Jesus loves you" to everybody on the road. That may be good, but it just doesn't sit well with me. Where's the personal connection?

Instead, I'm learning that Jesus can speak for Himself. If you'll just get out there, make friends and be sincere, you'll find that people start asking you questions. Being an evangelist on a real level simply means introducing people to Jesus. They see Him in you, He's attractive to them, so you just make the introduction.

For example, I don't set out to trek the streets of Malta saying to strangers, "You should meet my friend, Dave. He's really cool and he's got a plan for your life!" So why do some people try to do that with Jesus? Being an evangelist doesn't have to mean preaching "turn or burn" to people who never asked you. It just means that you share honestly the Good News about what Jesus has done in your life. And if they want to know more, "John Doe, meet Jesus!"

Poverbs 16:9

2005-06-06T13:10:00.000-07:00

The mind of a man plans his ways,
But the Lord directs his steps.

Okaaayy… I remember when I first read that verse several years ago. I didn’t know, and I guess I still don’t know, exactly how it’s supposed to be interpreted or applied to my life. I think of questions like, “Does this go for believers and non-believers alike? Why doesn’t God just direct the plans? Am I still supposed to try to plan my ways? Is this some type of cryptic advice? Is this some kind of predestination thing?”

I think initially this verse stuck in my head just because I found it so mysterious. I just kind of carried it around in my head, ruminating on the possible truth of it, trying to figure out how it fit into the grand scheme of things. It kept coming back to me during times of prayer, and I’d often stop reading some other passage of the Bible and flip back to it, as if to make sure it was really still there. It’s not like there was any voice from heaven, and I don’t even remember any moment of impression or inspiration, but somehow I came to feel like God was speaking this verse to me. And now I think He’s the one reminding me of it. Because even though I still don’t really get it completely, I’m starting to see that it’s true in my life.

It’s kind of hard to explain. I mean, I’m here in Malta because I’m stepping out to find what the Lord wants to do with me. I’ve always had a passion to serve God, and I love experiencing other cultures, so I’ve guessed I should be a missionary (and thankfully I’ve also learned over the last several years that it involves a lot more than the current, western concept of “evangelism”). And it’s like I can look back at any one place I’ve traveled, or any one job I’ve taken and say that I decided to do that and I had reasons x, y, and z. But when I look back at the last 24 years of my life, there’s no way that I could have guided it to where it is today. God’s definitely been directing my life.

But it’s not that the current situation is so rock solid. At times, it’s been difficult to explain to people why now, why Malta, etc. Even the locals don’t understand why we want to learn Maltese, since it’s only spoken by a handful of people who otherwise speak English on a dry rock in the middle of the sea. They have a good point, and I’m unsure about a lot of things myself. I have no idea whether next week I will have a job, or even a work permit, a car, a small Bible study, a youth group. I could have everything or nothing. But that’s kinda the plan right now.

We’re gonna continue to plan things one day, one conversation at a time. But we’ve sort of come to a point, on purpose, where we’re depending on God to direct our steps. To some people that can sound incredibly irresponsible and it’s hard to explain why it’s not. And even though I’m nervous for things to work out alright both in the short and long term, I have a strange confidence.

It’s like God has a grin on his face and he’s saying, “Remember that one verse? Check this out…”

New Blog

2005-06-02T00:15:00.000-07:00

First I have to thank my faithful friends and family who still consider themselves readers of this blog, to those who have checked this page regularly even though I have not been posting anything at all, and who have not thought that I am wasting your time with such sparse offerings, and who have seen it sufficient to excuse me due to the matter of moving to the other side of this planet we call Earth. Grazzi hafna! The mere fact that you’re still here reading is very affirming and validating to my fragile ego.

The good news is two-fold. First, I’m back on-line with lots of fresh inspiration. So I hope to be posting regularly (2-3 times a week), though maybe not quite so often because of the second piece of good news… My wife and I have got a new blog. We’ll be updating y’all on our adventures in the Mediterranean and introducing you to this wonderful country of Malta. Please check out the blog at merhba.blogspot.com. And stay tuned.

The Box Re-Opened

2005-05-17T10:30:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted anything new. My wife and I have been pretty busy getting ready to leave for Malta. By the way, our plane takes off in 6 hours. So I came to check in on my e-mail and whatnot and figured I should post something. So check this out...

One of my best friends from high school now lives with her husband in West Virginia. She was reading through some of the old posts on this blog and she had some awesome comments. This was part of a sermon she gave to the youth group that they're working with. It just so happens that she was talking to them about boxes.

We often hear of putting God in a box. We say "this or that church puts God in a box" or "these or those people put God in a Sunday box. (to them) He only exists on Sunday." No matter how we've heard it or said it ourselves, chances are we've heard it before. But then there is the phrase "Think out of the box" A more truthful phrase. Everyone has a box. This is my box (I held up a small box). We cannot limit God, in reality, only God has the power to limit Himself. What really happens is we, all of us, place ourselves in the box of spiritual ignorance. We cannot blame anyone, but ourselves.

While in our boxes we, unconsciously, set rules for God, foolishly thinking He's the one in our box. We use "logic", things other people have said, tradition, fear, and frustration to make up these rules we set down. Here are some examples of rules either I have set or have heard someone else set:

1) God will not simply guide me when I ask Him to.
2) God will not use me to reach others.
3) God needs me in order to reach a certain group of people.
4) God will not give me a free fridge because I have no money and my old fridge broke.
5) God cannot heal blind people without using technology.
6) God cannot make me beautiful or attractive.
7) God cannot be the one to fulfill my need for companionship.
8) God cannot teach me something new through a traditional church service or a sermon I've heard a million times.
9)God cannot bring me into a deeper relationship, or understanding, with Him without someone else leading me.
10) God cannot change this person or that person because they are too hard or stubborn.

I can go on and on and deeper with these rules, but we don't have time and I pray the point is well made. Consciously or unconsciously we have tried placing, or have placed rules on God. Each person in this room, myself included, I have observed. By the way you act, react, and through things you've said, rules have been set. We are not experiencing the fullness of God and seeing all that He wants us to see. We have no one to blame but ourselves. There are people who are seeing and experiencing. They have the same things, the same Bible, the same God, that we do. They just have more faith. Don't blame the church, don't blame your leaders, don't blame your friends, and definately don't blame God. You have the chance of connecting with God just like anyone else. There is no one to blame, but yourself. God is here. He is there, and He is waiting. Ask Him to open your eyes to the rules you've set, ask Him to break those rules and set you free from your box. Remind yourself, He is faithful. Trust me He will blow your mind away.

Who You Are

2005-05-02T10:15:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, check out the comment that my good friend Dave left on last week's post. Also this weekend, on a long car trip, I was reminded of a great song by Nicole Nordeman called Who You Are. She's a really gifted song-writer (one of the best musical poets, in my not-so-humble opinion), and this song really puts a lot of my own feelings into words. Here's the lyrics for you:

I was certain that I knew You
At the tender age of twelve
You'd so often been described by those
Who said they knew You well
Dark and rugged in Your thirties
With a smile as bright as Your robe

Every teacher, every preacher
With the very best intent
Found new ways to hide the mystery
Replaced by common sense
And to know You was to keep You in my pocket
So easy to hold

Chorus
I know I can't explain You
I would not even try to
And yet it's clear that You are here beside me
I marvel and I wonder
So near and somehow still so far
What makes You who You are?

It is easy to insist
On what is packaged and precise
And dismiss the clear suspicion
That You're bigger than we'd like
It is tempting to regard You as familiar
In so many ways

Chorus

I've tried to draw these lines around You
A definition or an absolute
But I could not be satisfied with black or white
There is so much more
There is so much You

Chorus

Who knows?

2005-04-26T11:45:00.000-07:00

I’ve just read the Chronicles of Narnia again. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a great series of books by C.S. Lewis about another world with all kinds of talking animals and magic and the adventures of children from England. It’s a lot of fun, and the author uses these stories as allegories to talk about human nature, our relationship with God, and His love for us. It’s an easy read at the 5th grade level, and I highly recommend it.

The final book of the series is called The Last Battle, and in it the author refers to the end of the world. He’s got characters to represent God, Satan, the anti-Christ, believers, non-believers, etc and of course the title refers to the battle of Armageddon as mentioned in Revelation. What’s got me thinking are these silly talking animals and how easily they are fooled by the ”anti-Christ”. Their downfall is the reasoning that God is above them and that they cannot understand His ways and cannot require Him to be as they think He should be.

But isn’t that good? I mean, it’s practically the reason I started this blog! So many Christians in America think they know exactly what Jesus would do. He’d vote republican, or democrat, or not at all. He’d be protestant, catholic, or even zen buddhist. But fact is, my God is an awesome God who defies description. I can’t predict what he should do, and as the talking animals put it, “he’s not a tame lion.” Does that mean I’ll get taken in by the beast who calls himself god?

In the book, it seems to have no effect how much you know about God. The bear (a little slow in the head) is too simple to see through the lie, while a dwarf (also a simple creature) finds the lie too complicated to be real. On the other hand, the shrewd mice can appreciate the intricate reasoning supporting the false god, while the astrologer centaur reads the truth in the stars above. Similarly, in a recent discussion with friends we asked how educated Christians ought to be. Should we have a simple faith in what we’re told, or should we all be Bible scholars? Does it even make a difference?

I guess what concerns me is the question, Can I know who God is? Part of me says no. God is awesome and majestic and outside of my understanding (Is 55:8,9). But a part of me also says yes. By His grace, I have a relationship with Him and He has told me about Himself (Ex 34:6,7).

I guess, as with most things, there’s a healthy balance of those two attitudes. God is holy and ought to be treated as such, but He’s also near and very familiar. Maybe it’s the difference between knowing about Him and just knowing Him. I can’t define Him, but I can recognize Him. I can live with that. It’s a privilege and a comfort.

Can you recognize God? If not, I don’t think I could describe Him. Nobody, not a pro-life zen buddhist farmer or a pro-choice presbyterian politician could define Him. But I’d be more than happy to introduce you.

So, you're going to Malta?

2005-04-22T10:00:00.000-07:00

YES! Yes I am! And…?

And I’ve got a lot of work to do in the mean time, which is why it’s getting really annoying that people want to make small talk of one of the biggest decisions of my life. People seem to just love to stop by my cubicle and chat it up. The thing that makes these conversations so annoying is that people only ask two kinds of questions – really stupid or way too deep.

So I thought I’d just answer some of the dumb questions right up front:
So, you’re going to Malta? Yes, I am.
Are you excited? Yes.
Are you going to miss your family? Yes.
I hear you’re going to Malta? YEP!
What are you going to do there? I’ll eat, sleep, and breathe; otherwise, I’m going to need you to be more specific.
Are you all packed? No, and it might have something to do with the fact that I need more that one pair of underwear to get me through the next three weeks.
So, you’re going to Malta? Would you be asking me this question if I weren’t?

As for the deep questions, at least I’m glad that people are asking, but really… I’ve got a million and one things to do before my last day at work. The only other decisions I’ve made that top this one are accepting Christ and getting married. And nobody would expect a 30 second answer to So you’re a Christian? or So you’re married? Besides which, I happen to be one of those crazy people who like to get things done at work instead of strolling around the office socializing. So if you really want to know why I’m going to Malta, buy me a cup of coffee some evening and I’d love to tell you all about my Inspiration.

Okay, okay, I know. Y’all reading this blog aren’t my annoying co-workers. In fact, if you are reading this at all, you’re most likely one of my friends and family members that I know and love and would be happy to talk to at any time about any thing. Actually, maybe it would be a good blog topic to let you all know why my wife and I are making this move. In the mean time, I just needed to vent.

Allusions of Grandeur

2005-04-18T09:50:00.000-07:00

I’ve got a few favorite Bible characters. Perhaps you do to. For me, these are the men or women that I set as my role models or heroes. I like Moses and David, as many people do. And I also want to be like Daniel or Nehemiah, who are talked about a little less often. But whoever your favorite Bible personalities are, at least they’re pretty well known. And it’s exactly that fact, that these dudes are fairly famous, that has been kind of confusing for me in my pursuit of spiritual growth.

I mean, these are the people that God sets up for us as positive examples, right? So we ought to try to be like them, right? But does that mean that we ought to be famous or as well known as they were? I don’t really want to think so, but I can’t really get around it either. It’s sort of an odd trick that there’s no Biblical role model who wasn’t at least well known enough to be mentioned in the Bible. And you won’t find any folks in the Bible who aren’t at least famous for being in the Bible.

I’m probably confusing you already. Let me try to put it another way: I’m pretty sure that God’s definition of greatness is not the same as ours. Being tight with God shouldn’t be contingent on social fame, as far as I can figure it. But the problem is that all such people that God gives us as examples are, in fact, quite well known. So how can I try to be like these people without also hoping to be well known?

Or maybe it’s not so bad to want to be famous. I suppose there’s something to be said for the fact that if God is really using you, then you will touch a lot of people. Jesus said, “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden…let your light shine before men…” (Matthew 5, NIV). I guess I’m just afraid of confusing the desire to know and serve God with the desire for fame.

I’ve caught myself in private prayer time saying two similar things, “Father, I want to be a man of God”, and, “Father, I want to be known as a man of God.” So then I have to stop and think to myself…what do I really mean? What do I really want? What should I really say? And what’s the difference? I just haven’t figured out how to hope for greatness with God, that isn’t also hoping for something that would stroke my ego. If that’s so bad.

What do you think?

(and, yes, I know the difference between allusion and illusion. it’s a pun, but I thought it might be a little too subtle to pass as a poignant play on words instead of a misspelling without an explanation.)

Sum of All Desires

2005-04-14T12:20:00.000-07:00

So I’ve got a few thoughts and theories that I haven’t put out there yet. Mostly it’s because I often feel like I’m nowhere near to being a quotable authority on anything. And I guess it feels that way mostly because my Teacher kind of knows absolutely everything. Even the serious posts in this blog are meant just to question our “knowledge” of spiritual things in favor of the realization that God’s ways and thoughts are far above our own. And who’s to say?

That said, I’ve got some ruminations about God, scripture, and human nature. And I guess the only way to get feedback on my thoughts is to put them out there. So here’s one of my favorites…

One day, as I took some prayerful time in reading scripture and journaling, I began to consider the selfish nature of people, including myself. Where do we get that? Is that a sin thing? How do we get over it? I thought about what it means to be selfish. Simply put, I think it basically means to act in one’s own best interest. Okay, but then how can one be selfless? Let’s say I do something for someone else to my own harm. Why would I do that? Wouldn’t I expect that it’s because I should, or because there’s a longer-term benefit to myself? And this led me to the idea that nobody can really do something they don’t want to do.

Example: Let’s say a bad guy stormed into the room and pointed a gun at my wife’s head and said, “It’s her or you!” Of course I’d volunteer to die in my wife’s place. But why? It’s because my desire for her to live is greater than for me to live. Also I know that I should because as her husband I’ve got to keep my promise to protect her. And honestly, I expect there’d be a heavenly reward of some kind too.

So although I’m acting in another’s best interest, that’s only because I’ve projected my best interests onto them. I’m still actually acting to my own benefit. I’m doing what I want to do, but it’s not so bad. So I thought… if that’s not so bad, is it good? God is good. Is God selfless? Well, He shows indescribable mercy and grace to us. But that’s not anything that he doesn’t want to do. And in fact, it’s to His glory that He does the things He does. Maybe we’re actually like God in that way. We’re free to do what we want, and really we can only do what we want. The thing that’s most like selflessness is to project our best interests onto someone else, but that’s not something that we don’t already want to do.

Let’s bring it down to real world, every day example: There were classes in college that I absolutely hated. Either I disliked the topic or was completely bored. I didn’t want to go to those classes. At the same time, I was set on getting a degree. That’s something that would be valuable for the rest of my life. I did want to graduate. So I don’t want to go to class, but I do. That’s strange. Can I really say that I don’t want to go to class? No. Actually I want to go to class so that I can graduate, and that desire is stronger than my desire to avoid that class. I’m weighing the options, comparing the outcomes, and when I add up my desires there’s a net result… I want to go to class. That’s what I call the sum of all desires.

Stemming from my thoughts on selfishness, the sum of all desires is really just a way of defining my thoughts, which shows that I can never really do anything I don’t actually want to do. I find this theory to be fairly practical in my everyday life too. When there’s something that I don’t want to do, I think about what really is the sum of my desires. It makes it easier to do that task without sulking or complaining when I realize that I actually do want to do it. It even makes the task a little more enjoyable.

This isn’t an airtight theory, I’ve learned. My wife has also had some good thoughts to the contrary. As we’ve discussed it, there’s an argument against the sum of all desires that’s mostly along the gender line. For women, feelings and emotions and desires are something much more real then men generally consider them to be. My wife thinks that conflicting desires are separate desires, each existing on its own, and that the one can’t just cancel the other out. If you have two feelings about something, you have two feelings. That’s a good point too.

What do you think? Can desires be summed? Or can you really do anything selfless? Is God selfless, and why does that feel like such a bad question to ask? What does it look like to not be selfish? Tell me your thoughts on any of these questions, or just tell me your opinion of the theory. You know you want to leave a comment, but what is the sum of your desires?

Voice Column

2005-04-08T10:15:00.000-07:00

Over the last half-dozen years as my sister and I have each grown up and formed our own views and opinions of the world, we’ve had more than a few deep discussions. It’s been very insightful to get her take on things, and I’m proud that she’s been receptive of mine too. So it’s no surprise that we end up with the same attitudes about a lot of things.

Going to college up in Portland, she recently wrote an awesome editorial column for her school’s newsletter. She’s spot on! Check out her insights here.

Quotes

2005-04-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

Before I got my current assignment at work, I was pretty bored. So my sister and I were in touch by email all the time, and we decided to create a list of quotes. We actually had a really fun time. Between the two of us we made this list of quotes into something epic. We formed a list of rules for adding or changing a quote, like policies and procedures. We even added amendments when we wanted to change the rules. We gave ourselves official titles, promoted each other, and formed committees. When our family saw the growing list of quotes they wanted to jump in, so my sister and I put out and RFP. Due to lack of response, we made revisions and re-released the RFP. I know, I know... we're total nerds. But it was fun.

Then we both found better things to do with our time, and our little project was put on the back burner. But now, having obtained a unanimous vote between all two members of the presiding body over this honored document, it my great privilege to present to the general public, at long last - The Quotes.

Now this list is composed of funny, witty, random, inspiring, and meaningful quotations (some of which are inside jokes). Do not read while operating heavy machinery....

It could work!
Young Frankenstein

Put that thing back where it came from or so help me, so help me! And cut!
Mike Wazowski (Monsters Inc.)

E-mail, it’s like the sugar on the candy for my stuff.
Strong Bad

Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.
Sir Winston Churchill

And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.
The Apostle John (ESV)

Bone of my bone, and flesh, I be talkin’ FLESH here.
Pastor Ed Gungor

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
Gracie Allen

It looked more like Mother Theresa than most cinnamon rolls.
Ben (co-editor)

So you begin to digest yourself, which is a very big problem.
Discovery Channel M.D.

It’s a little bit up to the ceiling.
Missy (co-editor)

I’m not a witch; I’m your wife! But after what you just said, I’m not even sure I want to be that anymore!
Valerie (Princess Bride)

You are the man.
Nathan (II Samuel 12:7)

I am not the man.
Alexander Chasinau (Alias)

God made dirt, and dirt don’t hurt.
Some kid

It matters enormously if I alienate anyone from the truth.
C.S. Lewis

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again – rejoice!
Paul the Apostle

Yes, tiny pickle, you are not a mighty dill. You are just a baby gherkin!
Philippe Pea

I think I want the steak AND the lobster. In fact, don't even bother killing the lobster; can I get the lobster eating a steak?
Brian Humphreys (friend)

In keeping with American tradition, we shall dally and tarry…
Missy (co-editor)

I probably wouldn’t have put it that way, but it’s true – we can be butt holes sometimes.
Dr. Hauff (my college prof)

It’s high time you were shown
That you don’t really know all there is to be known.
Dr. Seuss

I have had prayers answered - most strangely so sometimes - but I think our heavenly Father's loving-kindness has been even more evident in what He has refused me.
Lewis Carroll

A beep on the nose is a sign of great affection.
Lucy Van Pelt

Can we have a dish of thousand island for the table?
Ken

Well, I suppose in the end it was a romantic way to perish, for a mouse.
Anne Shirley

There she weaves by night and day a magic web of colours gay. She has heard a whisper say a curse is on her if she stay to look down to Camelot.
Lord Alfred Tennyson

Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn’t one today!
Phil Connors (Ground Hog Day)

I'm so glad I'm part of this family. It's wonderful to have Ken and Aimee as parents, and Ben, Jessica, and Missy as siblings.
Michael

Do you scream with your coffee?
Darling Little Filipino Waitress at the Now Closed Peppermill Restaurant

Our hearts are like a diaper. Sometimes we soak everything up, other times we make a mess of it.
Dannifer (friend)

Why should I have to WORK for everything?! It's like saying I don't deserve it!
Calvin (& Hobbes)

No arsenal or no weapon in the arsenals of the world is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.
Ronald Reagan (first inaugural address, January 20, 1981)

It has always seemed to me extreme presumptuousness on the part of those who want to make human ability the measure of what nature can and knows how to do, since, when one comes down to it, there is not one effect in nature, no matter how small, that even the most speculative minds can fully understand.
Galileo Galilei

Mr. Bo Jangles is a girl! Mr. Bo Jangles is a girl!
Dog Show

When a thing has been said and said well, have no scruple. Take it and copy it.
Anatole France

Claudia Procles

2005-03-28T13:20:00.000-08:00

I spent Easter Sunday with my family and had a great time. As part of the holiday, we decided to watch The Passion of the Christ, which my parents had purchased on DVD. This was the second time I had seen the movie, and at first, I wasn’t even sure that I was glad to be watching it again. When the film was released last year, I waited a couple of months before making my way to the theaters to see it. I guess I was just trying to not be a part of the hype. But eventually I did want to see this tribute to my Hero. Then after finding out first hand that it was as gruesome, bloody, and intense as the reviews had said – I wasn’t sure that I wanted to put myself through it again.

I’m glad I did. I felt a little more free to glance away from the screen at the most graphic parts, and I even shielded my eyes completely at the one moment that was the worst for me. That, and the fact that I already knew what to expect, helped my stomach not to churn so much. And without my mind so numbed with emotional overload, I found that I was able to get more out of the movie…

The first thing, which I was afraid when I realized it, was that I could identify with those pharisees. I mean, I’ve got a pretty well rooted interpretation of scripture. So if Jesus came as an American today, saying the kinds of radical things that Jesus said back then, would I be a disciple or a pharisee? Jesus said some totally off-the-wall kind of stuff like, “Eat my flesh and drink my blood and you’ll live forever!” I mean, that’s not a direct quote or anything, but that’s how the pharisees heard it. And if some crazy dude showed up today saying stuff like that, wouldn’t I want to get rid of him so that he’d stop leading all my honest, well-meaning, but ignorant Christian brothers and sisters astray? I can only pray that God would help me to recognize his truth when I saw it. Like the disciples weren’t exactly a group of outstanding men, but somehow when Jesus called them, they saw that he was the real deal. I think it’s only God’s grace that could make me a disciple instead of a pharisee.

But some of the pharisees were painted as pretty diabolical, so I didn’t fully identify with them. I don’t think I could be so conniving and ruthless. So I spent a great deal of the movie trying to figure out who I did identify with the most and what my part in the story might have been. I suppose many Christians might try to identify with Jesus in the spirit of martyrdom, but Jesus’ outstanding character and wisdom is out of my reach. Peter is too impulsive, and that’s not like me. I’d like to think I could be James, but nothing he did in the film really resonated with me, and the same with Mary Magdalene. As I thought about it, I felt like I didn’t fit in any of those kinds of parts of the story because I’m a gentile, not a Jew. I feel like I’ve been adopted into God’s family by faith, but my culture is actually European. Pilate, and Abeneder (the general), and one of the soldiers in particular were all Romans in the movie who realized that Jesus was special. I could almost identify with them, except they didn’t do anything.

But finally, I found my part of the story when Claudia Procles brought the linens to Mary. Claudia Procles was Pilate’s wife. She knew that Jesus was holy, but it seemed she couldn’t help everyone understand it. She knew she had a part in the story, but wasn’t sure what it was. So she did what she could. I think she must have been sad, feeling like she couldn’t make any significant difference except to a couple people, and even at that it was only an expression of a desire to do more.

I also identified with the fact that she did what she did with cultural sensitivity. It’s a Jewish belief that when a body is buried every part of the body must be buried. I learned this a while ago while watching a documentary about terrorism in Jerusalem. Did you know that there is today a special organization called ZAKA which assists medical personnel at bombing or shooting sites by collecting all the blood and body parts for burial? So Claudia Procles knew that for Mary and Mary Magdalene it was important to collect the blood that Jesus spilled not just to clean up the scene, but to prepare for a proper burial.

She didn’t happen to live by that belief, but she felt that it was the best way that she, as an outsider, could express her desire to be a significant part of the story. She wanted to do something significant for them, in their language. I think what she did, as documented in extra-biblical sources, shows her acceptance of the sacrifice, respect for culture, and a desire to be someone who could do more.

Whew! Now that I’m all choked up… those are my musings this Easter. Who are you in the story?

Mrs. Lynde says acting is a sin

2005-03-23T11:00:00.000-08:00

“Ruby, keep quiet. You’re spoiling the effect. Besides, this is hundreds of years before Mrs. Lynde was born.”

Although I’m not sure that the fact the Lady of Shalott predated Mrs. Lynde is a logical argument for its ethical superiority, still Anne was right. Ruby was spoiling the effect.

I’m reminded of this scene from one of my favorite movies because Easter is coming up this weekend. And as an actor at a church that likes to foster the talents of artists for the glory of God, I get to contribute to a cool event on Good Friday. At least for one scene, for part of the time, and possibly without even showing my face, I’ll be Jesus.

I had never wanted to play Jesus for any other production at any church that I can remember. But this year I put my name in the hat for this one small part ‘cause I felt I could contribute something meaningful. Like Miss of Green Gables, I want to create an effect. I think that it might impact someone to see and consider a scene acted out before them in a way that a sermon or homily couldn’t. Now I don’t think that’s an overly righteous or lofty goal. But as the day nears, I’m wondering how I’m gonna pull it off, how I’m gonna imitate Christ, and how that sits with my conscience.

I had no trouble playing Satan in my high school’s modern version of John Milton’s Paradise Lost. My parents and teachers seemed kind of concerned that I might somehow open myself up to evil spiritual influences or something, but I wasn’t really phased. It was probably in part because I wasn’t trained and didn’t know how to really take on a character. It was more like a dramatic reading then really acting.

But now I’m afraid that it would be too proud for me to assume that I can take on the mindset or character of the Son of God. I guess I feel like I’d be getting too close to something too holy. I think director Mel Gibson and lead actor Jim Caviezel felt the same as they created the Passion of the Christ. They went to mass and took communion every day. But I wonder, would that make me worthy enough to be Christ? Would it make me humble enough that God would forgive my atrocious impression of him? Or is that enough penance to atone for possible sacrilege? I don’t think so. But I also don’t think there’s anything I can do to be that holy.

I think God understands that I’m just me. I think he and I are both keenly aware that I’m not Christ. So I think he appreciates my attempt to create an effect. It’s meant to draw people closer to him, and it’s ‘cause I think he’s the greatest. I guess so long as we all keep in mind that I’m not, in fact, the Lamb of God, then I think it’s okay for me to be as real as I can be in my acting. It’s still just kind of scary.

So I’m not sure that Mrs. Lynde really knew what she was talking about. But Marilla was right when she said to Anne, “You need a little religion in your life as bad as you need fattening up.” It’s just that religion can be dangerous if you think it’ll make you holy enough for something, or if it’s a substitute for an actual relationship with Jesus, or if it’s so stuffy as to forbid a little action on the stage.

Papers and Politics

2005-03-22T09:10:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure where this came from, but I thought it was pretty funny. I've been swamped at work these days so I know my posting has been sparse and dry. But I'll be moving out of the country in a month or so, which I'm sure will give me plenty of material and time to entertain and challenge you. So hang in there...

The Wall Street Journal is read by people who run the country.

The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and are very good at crossword puzzles.

USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could find the time... and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't sure who running the country, but don't really care so long as they can get a seat on the train.

The New York Post is read by people who don't care at all who's running the country so long as they do something really scandelous, preferably while intoxicated.

The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

The San Fransisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there should be a country. And who ever is running it, they oppose all that they stand for, with the occasional exceptions that the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be ilegal alians from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not republican.

And finally, The National Enquirer is read by people who are only running their errands and stuck in a long line at the grocery store.

Almost the Last

2005-03-09T15:48:00.000-08:00

It’s 3:40pm. And it feels like it’s been 3:40pm for like seventeen minutes! I swear 3:38 was like a half hour ago. I know because I’ve checked my watch 30 times since then. This hour always seems to take three times longer than any other. I mean, the mornings usually go by pretty fast, and I like to take a late lunch. And the last hour of the day actually never seems to be long enough, as I usually end up scrambling to finish things and go home. But this three o’clock hour… I tell ya’! It’s not quite the golden hour of the workday, but maybe gold plated. Taunting me with the prospect of hopping in the car, cranking up the tunes, and going home to kick up my feet for the evening. But no, there’s still one more hour. This is that darn second-to-last hour of the day! That blasted not-quite-the-last hour! That dang next-to-last hour! If I were educated, I might even call it the penultimate hour.

Oh wait, I am educated. Okay, so this is the first time I’ve mentioned my favorite academic topic. Linguistics. My wife and I both have a degree in Linguistics. And we love to talk about morphology and semantics and syntax; and we’ll entertain ourselves analyzing what you say and how you say it til the cows come home. Speaking of cows, I even once wrote a paper on onomatopoeia for animal sounds in different languages. And just so you know, Dutch has a better word for moo than English, Spanish, or Japanese. I know, that’s pretty useless information. But actually my wife and I are hoping to use the disciplines we’ve learned for something much more useful. Our dream would be to work with a people group that doesn’t yet have a written language, to help them develop a system of writing, promote literacy in their ethno-linguistic community, and ultimately translate the Bible so that they can hear God speaking to them in their language.

Oh, and there’s that word ultimate again. In studying phonology I learned a really cool word, antepenultimate. That means third from the last. You’ve got to use these words when you’re talking about stress patterns. The stress patterns of English are actually pretty interesting. I think it’s cool to investigate the processes that are automatic in your mind when you create new words. I read a new word recently, problematization. It’s a little too long to be automatic, but if you just try to pronounce it a few different ways, somehow you’ll just know when you’ve got it right. It’s like your brain is just programmed with the patterns of English. Technically speaking the stress is on the penultimate syllable, and there’s secondary stress on the initial and antepenultimate syllables. Kind of like my day at work!

Capital of the World

2005-03-01T17:00:00.000-08:00

Lots of cities have their own claim to fame. I live in San Jose, The Tech Capital of the World. I know that other cities nearby also have something that they do better or more than anyone else. Some are quirky, and some are cool. I like to find out what cities do best. For example, did you know that the Santa Clara Valley (the area of San Jose and it’s suburbs) used to be the prune capital of the world? But apparently we traded the wonderful regularity of prunes for the high stress of technology. Now Yuba City, California is the Prune Capital of the World.

But just a short drive south of this Silicon Valley there remains some of the world's best farmland, which still produces world-class quality/quantity of good stuff. Gilroy for example, is the Garlic Capital of the World. Watsonville is the Strawberry Capital of the World. And Castroville is the Artichoke Capital of the World. Living in California a blessing on the taste buds!

But this isn’t the only place with capitals. Here are a few others for your amusement: Homer, Alaska, I learned on a short visit, is the Halibut Fishing Capital of the World. Milwaukee is, of course, the Beer Capital of the World. And Chicago is, among other things, the Hobo Capital of the World.

Outside of the US, there are other famous “capitals.” Can you name the cities that are the Silk Capital of the World, the Pastry Capital of the World, or the Silver Capital of the world? Or can you tell me what the countries of Thailand or Zanzibar have more of than anyone else? (answers below)

It’s not all that impressive, but it’s a fun little mental list that I’ve been keeping. Now I need the help of everyone out there in internet land. Where do you live, and what is your city best at? Or have you visited obscure capitals in other places? Let us know your bits of geopolitical trivia.

Answers: Silk = Suzhou, China; Pastry = Vienna, Austria; Silver = Taxco, Mexico. Thailand = Ruby Capital; Zanzibar = Mango Capital.

The Box

2005-02-23T09:30:00.000-08:00

So there’s this box somewhere floating around in our minds or in our culture or something. I’m not sure exactly where it is because I’ve never seen it. I’m not even sure whether it’s like a cardboard box or more like a steel shipping container. But whatever it is, it’s apparently pretty bad to be inside it, so they say.

“You’ve got to think outside the box.” Hmm. Why? Here’s what I keep thinking – isn’t the box there for a reason? Aren’t boxes meant to keep things inside? I think I understand the point of the saying – people are trying to say that you ought to think creatively, unconventionally, find new solutions, new perspectives. That’s cool. But don’t forget the box. If there were no box then there would be no outside the box, right? I think what people ought to say is, “redefine the box.” If you haven’t found the solution inside the box, then your box is too small. Get a bigger box. Get a deluxe box. Maybe a different shaped box. But you definitely don’t want to be box-less. They have institutions for people who really think outside the box.

And I’m sure all my Christian brothers and sisters have heard this one before, “Don’t put God in a box.” Excellent point. As a matter of fact, you shouldn’t put God anywhere, regardless of whether of not there’s a box involved. But I think too often some Christians are so determined to not put God in their box, that they don’t let Him in the box at all. Like my wife recently said, they end up "pushing God towards the supernatural or totally crazy." I used to think like that. God had to patiently teach me to let Him back inside the box, where He chooses to move in very natural and very rational ways. I think we ought to just say, “Don’t put a lid on God’s box.” Okay, that does sound a little silly now that I type it in black-and-white, but you know what I’m saying.

Don’t get me wrong. You gotta think big, think new. I’m just saying that I think the inside of the box gets a bad rap. What do you think about boxes?

M as in Meatloaf

2005-02-16T12:15:00.000-08:00

“Hi, this is your local bank!”

“Hi, I’d like to check on the balance in my account, please”

“What’s you name please?”

“Ben”

“And what’s your last name, Dan?”

“It’s Ben.”

“Your name is Dan Dan?”

“No, my first name. It’s Ben!”

“Ben Dan?”

“Ben Smith!”

“Oh, Ben Smith! Mr. Smith, could you spell that for me?”

Okay, so that’s a little corny, but you all know what I mean. Sometimes it’s hard to be understood over the phone. And to make matters worse, spelling things doesn’t help. With our silly alphabet every other letter sounds the same as another.

The military never has any trouble with this. As you know, they’ve developed a word for every letter of the alphabet so as to be crystal clear. You see it all the time in movies when they receive the ominous nuclear missile launch code: “Alpha Tango Bravo Foxtrot, confirmed sir. Commencing obliteration of that former soviet splinter cell run by a power hungry dude from one of those small Eastern European countries who blames the US for the death of his beautiful wife and four-year-old daughter. Aye, sir!”

Well we common, movie-going citizens aren’t ones to be left out of all the action. So we seemed to have formed our own club with our own secret codes within our splinter cell offices and homes. You know, when you’re on the phone and you have to spell something out, there’s commonly accepted words to use. Like, “My name is Ben. That’s B as in boy, E, N as in Nancy.” Also included is M as in Mary, F as in Frank, and D as in dog. Apparently only names and words that might appear in a kindergarten reader are eligible for the secret list.

But what if we changed all that? What if we threw a curve ball at the unsuspecting telephone customer service representative on the other end of the line? You could spell your whole name using the most random words you can imagine. “That’s B as in boomerang, E as in eyeball, N as in none-of-your-business!”

Or you could give them a vocabulary quiz using letters like A as in altruism, or T as in transcontinental! Or you could pick a theme, like food, geography, or disgusting bodily functions! I think that would help make the drone of the poor telephone rep’s day a little more interesting.

If you’re more the belligerent type, you could purposefully use words that make things more confusing. There are words that don’t help at all, like I as in I or T as in tea. Or you could use words that sound like other letters, like W as in why, E as in eye, or C as in cue. Or, my personal favorite, words that are other letters, like D as in double-u.

In case you’re having trouble coming up with your own examples. Here are some ideas to get you started:

Use the actual military alphabet:
Alpha Bravo Charlie Delta Echo Foxtrot Golf Hotel India Juliet Kilo Lima Mike November Oscar Papa Quebec Romeo Sierra Tango Uniform Victor Whiskey X-Ray Yankee Zulu

Or here is my alphabet:
Altruism Blasphemy Canker sore Double-U Euphemism Phone Gangrenous Hour Incendiary Juanita Krakatoa Light year Michelob Nonchalant Oh! Plebian Questionable Raul Seismic activity Tonsillitis Unequivocal Vivisect Why Roman numeral 10 Yen Zealot

Or create a themed alphabet:
The Redneck code should include A as in the Alamo, G as in gun rack, and Y as in yee-haw!

I’d love to get your ideas too. And if you’re actually brave enough to try any of these, let us know how it goes.

In with the In-Laws

2005-02-14T11:30:00.000-08:00

To wrap up these blog featurettes on family, I’ve gotta give props to God for His creativity. I didn’t really get to choose my parents or siblings, but God blessed me with an awesome family. I did choose my wife, and was blessed that God lead me to the most beautiful and precious one around. And though I chose my wife, I couldn’t choose who her parents would be. But even they’re awesome and loving too! It’s like God just wanted to bless me with the best people on the planet for family, and He’s made a specific point of saying He’ll do it no matter what degree of choice I have in the matter!

My mother and father in-law are some of the most generous and selfless people I know. They’ve taken me in with arms open wider than I ever imagined of in-laws, and they’ve smothered my wife and me with love and support. Often I’m more afraid that they’ll spoil our young marriage. But they either don’t agree or don’t care, cuz they just keep giving. They have us over all the time (often last-minute), feed us, advise us, entertain us, and give us too much in the way of gifts.

I’m honored that they call me their favorite son, which is fun because my wife is an only child. And I love to call them mom and dad, which can be confusing because they’re not my only parents. And every time I’m with them, I can’t help thinking “This is how it’s supposed to be!” Too many people have in-law problems, or at least consider it good to be on a first name basis. But my mom and dad in-law have become a second family. I mean, the family I grew up with is outstanding, but this is what it’s like to become family. And I think that’s what it’s like in God’s house. They’ve demonstrated His heart in the way that He takes somebody in and drowns them in affirmation and gifts until they feel they belong.

Thanks Mom and Dad!

Unparalelled Parents

2005-02-08T17:00:00.000-08:00

As I continue my blog featurettes on those near and dear to my heart, I’m excited to post something about the two most incredible people I know. My parents. Now my blog readership at this point probably still only consists of friends and family, so most of you are already acquainted with “The VM’s.” But as much as they might mean to all of you, there’s no way you could ever understand how much I love, appreciate, respect, honor, and enjoy my mom and dad.

I don’t really have the words or the time to express all the awesome things that they’ve done! I mean, they’ve been investing their lives in me since birth! And not only did they do the normal obligations of parents like put food on the table and a roof over my head, but they poured out endless love, encouragement, inspiration, discipline, advice and support. They’ve put way more of themselves into me than any other parents of any other children that I’ve ever seen. I can’t even begin to fathom the debt I owe them! Cuz it’s not just the big things like sending me to Sunday school or paying for several semesters of college that has helped me to this point in life, but simply their constant devotion, day in and day out, to being loving parents.

Now I could go on about how awesome their parenting has been, but you might as well just attend one of their parenting classes. Or I could talk about how their marriage, very tried and very true, has made our family a source of unconditional love, but you might as well ask them about the premarital counseling they do. Instead, I’m just trying to express to you how much I think of them – and I can’t! I mean, these people are outstanding, wise, caring, thoughtful, smart, and… and they’ve invested their time in me?!

My mom is the most awesome mom on the planet! Not only has she cared for me unceasingly, but she’s also one of the coolest ladies I know. And her thoughtfulness and advice continue to be one of the most valuable blessings. And my dad is the best dad I could imagine having! Not only did he teach me cool stuff like how to play chess or eat an ice cream cone, but he’s also continued to be a source of wisdom and an example of character.

Oh, and did I mention that they’re the coolest and funnest parents around! Even my friends think so!

Sibling Revelry

2005-02-07T10:49:00.000-08:00

I don’t think any two people simply enjoy being related as much as my sister and I. Seriously, it’s a blast! I mean, once we both made it out of our annoying jr. high phases, I think it clicked and we realized how cool it was that we got to be siblings. I still kinda don’t get how it's so awesome.

First of all, my sister is hilarious. Her brand of creatively random humor stuns me. Like, how does she come up with that? Her jokes always have me rolling in the aisles, figuratively of course (Literally, her jokes have me jumping around clapping furiously and pointing at her; but don’t ask). And you should see the impressions she does of me and our mom and dad! Hi-larious! Although I guess family impressions are kind of an inside joke type of thing. Which brings me to the second point…

I think at some point we both realized that of all the people on the entire planet, we have more in common than with anyone else. I mean, we grew up in the same place, at the same time, in the same house, with the same parents, at the same church, and at the same school. And, lo and behold, that means we pretty well understand where each other is coming from, in a life-long world-view kind of sense. Then, when our old school closed, she had to finish high school somewhere else and now she’s going to a different college than I did too. So our lives sort of diverged in similarity, and then I think we realized how much it meant to have someone that came from the same place.

So now she totally inspires me with her drive to pursue God’s work and wisdom. I think we inspire each other, which is what makes it so uniquely cool. Her friendship and wit make me feel at home and keep me on my toes. She’s an outstanding person and I can’t believe that I get to be her brother.

Oh, and did I mention that she’s flippin’ hilarious.

Wifey

2005-02-03T09:55:00.000-08:00

Today, I’ve been married for 515 days (but who’s counting, right?). And let me tell you that it’s been the best 515 days of my life!

For those of you who are lucky enough to know my wife, congratulations! You’re acquainted with an outstanding woman. And you’re aware of how lucky I am.

In fact, I just reviewed Proverbs 31, that famous chapter of the Bible that talks about a wife of noble character. Verses 11 – 29 offer a description of this woman. And out of those 18 versus, 16 are true of my wife! One verse doesn’t apply since we haven’t had children yet, and the other I can’t figure out what a distaff is or something about grasps the spindle with her fingers. So unless you can find a mother holding a distaff – my wife is the tops! And, by the way, I know verse 30 says beauty is fleeting, but she’s got that too. In case you were wondering.

For those of you who think I’m just brown-nosing here, think again. My wife doesn’t really keep up with my postings unless I tell her I wrote something hilarious and make her come read it. My wife really is all that and a bag of chips (low sodium, baked not fried, of course)!

If you’ve had any length of conversation with me at all in the last 515 days you’ve heard me say this… A friend of mine from high school, who got married just before I did, described marriage perfectly as I’ve experienced it. She said, “It’s like you get to have a slumber party with your best friend every night.” Seriously! These last 515 days have been the most fun and the most meaningful. It’s like God put her in my life as an instrument of joy and growth. Her voice and her smile make my heart feel like it’s gonna bust with warmth. And my love and devotion to this precious treasure keeps me focused on growing spiritually so that I can be the best possible husband for her. I literally do not have words to describe what a blessing she is.

Oh, and she smokin’ hot!

Who dunnit?

2005-01-31T14:20:00.000-08:00

My life was changed. It was the best thing that ever happened to me, but unfortunately, I don't remember it too clearly. It was the day I asked Jesus to "come into my heart". I think I was about six, maybe younger. But since I was too young to have dug myself into any sinful hell-hole of sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll, and since I don't remember any radical, immediate, dynamic life transformation, my entire life's experience has been only of the blessing of God's love and wisdom guiding me through. I mean, that's the reason that I am the most blessed man on Earth. But you know what's kinda weird? I have nothing to compare it to.

He has guided me through good times and bad. And during the bad times, when I’ve turned from Him, I’ve got a glimpse of what my heart is like without Him and what my life would be without Him. But He’s always been there to call me back and receive me again and lead me on to grow in new ways. This process has been on going since that day when I was six or so, and that means that some parts are kinda hard to distinguish who dunnit. I mean, what parts are just the normal processes of growing up and developing character, and what parts are miraculous steps of spiritual growth?

Here’s where this is going: I see people of other religions who also seem to have developed character and integrity, and they live morally, and they say they are at peace in their souls. But how did they get there without Jesus? I thought Jesus was the only way to Life? Did I come to find purpose in life by my own power, as other have? Is it as some religious pluralists say, that Jesus is just one of many ways to “find god”?

To begin my thoughts, let me answer that last question. No. Jesus has brought Life to me (and countless others), so I know he’s true. And he said he was the only way. From there it’s a simple operation of logic. If X is true, and X is Y, then Y is true. Jesus is the only way to Life.

So here’s my theory: I’ve seen that often throughout history, the Enemy takes an element of truth and twists it. That helps us to think it’s True, but then it actually leads us away from God. The first example is, of course, in Genesis when Eve “saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate.”

Here are some examples: (I guess I’m over-using colons today, so sue me!) I find strength when I follow the psalm that says, “be still and know that I am God.” For me, that means I go to a quiet place, get in a comfortable position, breathe deeply, and think. That sounds a lot like certain meditation or yoga exercises that Zen-Buddhists use. Also I find that a lot of growth happens when I read scripture and pray daily. Muslims do this too, in fact five times daily! Also, I try to follow the Law that Jesus reiterated saying, “love your neighbor as yourself”. And Hindus even follow this to the extreme belief that all life is sacred!

Now there are crucial differences I think (I fill my mind with thoughts of worship instead of “emptying my mind”, for example), but you can see the similarities. Insightful people of many religions have realized something about how the human heart and soul works and have utilized it to effect real change in their lives. So that leads me to the next question, is it an Eternal change? I don’t think so. As much as any religion can help an individual to change his behavior, gain control of himself, or give him a sense of purpose, it can’t change the condition of his soul. Not even Christianity. Only the merciful trade that Jesus offers us, of his righteousness for our sin, can make us worthy to stand before God.

These are my thoughts and conclusions for the day, and I’d like your perspective. But what I’d really love is your thoughts on my remaining questions. Where do we go from here? I’ve seen other religions answer people’s needs, but then how can I show those people their need for Jesus? People won’t find an answer their not lookin’ for! Just pray for them? Engage them in philosophical discussions? How has Jesus changed your life, and how have you changed your own life? How do you explain the difference?

Welcome to Liberty Village

2005-01-27T10:25:00.000-08:00

For those of you who are as nuts about the show as I am, you'll recognize the title of last night's episode of Alias. You can definitely expect ongoing questions, conversations, and reviews of this outstandingly fun TV show to pop up on this blog from time to time. So to begin, I had to post something about this episode I just saw. It was the best episode ever! Sydney and Vaughn went undercover into a Russian black-ops/terrorist cell where they were training to blend into American suburbia. The suspense was tense and the bad guys were eerily evil. I could go on and on.

For those of you who haven't seen the show, it's basically James Bond meets Days of Our Lives. It's that simple and that complicated. There's another show called Lost by the same creator, which is also a fun, dramatic, suspensful thriller/soap, that I also enjoy. The other TV show that my wife and I follow religiously is The Amazing Race. We recently canceled our cable in a New Year's resolution type effort to be more purposeful with our time. But we still purposefully get together with our families (who have TiVo) each week to watch these three hours of fun.

So... back to Alias. Here's what I want comments on: Is Sydney's mom really dead? I never thought she was even for a second, so a better question is - what is she up to? What's Sloan's end game? Is Sydney really the "one"? And What does it mean to be the "one"?

The answer that matters most

2005-01-24T10:20:00.000-08:00

So I just started this blog a couple of weeks ago and you’ll see that I’ve just posted a few silly ramblings so far. But I figure it’s time to post something like a statement of purpose. As the title says, I don’t have a lot of answers except that ones that matter most. Here’s what I mean.

I’m sick of humanistic pride! It’s a real turn off to me when people think they’ve got the answers or that their powers of reason are some how the ultimate force in the universe. You see, I attended San Jose State University for four years, a school that’s pretty well recognized in California as one of the most “liberal.” Not as famous as Berkeley, but the same academic culture. Again and again I sat through lectures from people who seemed to think that human culture was the highest form of knowledge, or that scientific deduction held life’s final answers. Again and again they bashed the Christian worldview and blamed “Christian” civilization for their personal pains and for most of the world’s ills.

Also again and again I saw my outspoken, Christian classmates blab out simplistic arguments and get quickly shot down. Again and again they overlooked the personal issues of the individual, and reasoned using scriptural principles, which were meaningless to the intellectual opposition. Frankly, I was just as sick of them. They also seemed to think that they had all of life’s problems figured out or that their faith gave them a superior point of view. And talking amongst themselves since then, they think they know exactly what Jesus would do in most situations.

And the thing that really gets me is that it all only results in unsympathetic intellectual impasses. Everyone thinks they’ve got the answers. Perspectives are invalidated. Feelings are hurt. Staunch opinions only dig in further. Superior reasoning degrades the opposition. No relationship is ever fostered. No one ever finds the Truth. And even amongst brothers I’m not sure if God is ever glorified. Everyone thinks they’ve got the answers.

Well, I don’t know the end of all things. I’m not sure if Plato’s Republic is a good idea or not. I’m not sure what Jesus would say to Nietzsche. And I’m not sure what Jesus would say to George W. But I’m pretty darn sure that arguing about it hasn’t gotten anyone much of anyplace that I’ve ever seen.

Here’s what I do know: I was born with every blessing. I was raised in the best of all possible circumstances. But left to myself, I’m still a pretty pathetic person. Left to myself, I do pretty foolish things and I can’t find peace. Here’s what I do know: I’m not left to myself. I’ve got a wonderful, unexplainable relationship with Jesus. I follow his lead ‘cause it’s made a positive difference in my life. Here’s what I do know: His words and ways sustain life. And any man or woman can begin a heartfelt relationship with him like I have, and they will also find peace and the means to handle life’s problems.

That’s the only answer that matters!

She can't take much more of it, Cap'n!

2005-01-21T13:45:00.000-08:00

Even those of you who aren't Trekkies should recognize that famous (or infamous) saying from Scotty, the engineer on the original Star Trek TV series. He said it whenever the Enterprise was in some kind of trouble, which was pretty much every week. But I learned something recently about the science of the show that practically made my brain say the same thing.

I know! I know! Realizing that science fiction is bogus, is like realizing that pro wrestling is fake. Everyone knows it; they just refuse to acknowledge it. But stick with me for a second here.

In Star Trek they traveled at warp speed; like in the real world we have jets that travel at mach speed. Mach 3 is three times the speed of sound, so warp 3 is supposed to be three times the speed of light. Now the fastest any spaceship in any version Star Trek could go, as far as I remember, was warp 13. So they just jump to warp 13 and cruise over to the next star in 20 minutes. No problem, right? Not quite.

What I just learned yesterday is that the closest star to us is estimated to be 4.24 light years away! It's called Proxima Centauri and it's only 1/10 as big as the Sun. But here's the point: even if you could travel at warp 13 along with the cast of Star Trek, it would still take you 4 months to get to any other star! As far as I can figure, that means two things: Captain Kirk was a crock, and this is an amazingly huge universe.

I think maybe George Lucas had the better sense to leave out a little more science from his science fiction. “Long ago in a galaxy far, far away” folks traveled from planetary system to planetary system at the ambiguously fast rate of hyper-speed. I guess that makes the plot of Star Wars at least imaginable. Although how they all spoke English remains a mystery.

Messy Metaphors

2005-01-18T10:20:00.000-08:00

My wife and I went away to Half Moon Bay this weekend and had a great time. The weather was outstanding, the shops were quaint, the cafes were cozy, and the tide pools were lots of fun to explore. It was our late Christmas present to each other. Part of the highlight of the weekend was the wonderful dinners that we treated ourselves to at local restaurants. On the evening we arrived we went to an Italian place called Mezza Luna. It had an upscale atmosphere, excellent service, even more excellent food, and all at a suprisingly average price. But on our second evening there, our dinner at the Half Moon Bay Brewing Co. turned out to be more of a mystery.

The hostess seated us at a table near a fireplace. It wasn't a normal brick fireplace, built into the wall. It was free standing, in the middle of the room, like an old-fashioned wood burning stove. Except more like a new-fashioned gas burning stove. Anyways, the fire swirled from the gravel in its base in a cyclone pattern up towards the chimney. And in the center of the circle of swirling fire was, of course, a cast-iron whale. Not an anatomical whale, mind you, but more like a cartoon whale. It was like an egg with a tail at the small end, and smile at the wide end, and stubby fins sticking out of it's middle. Hmmm...

We spent the majority of our delicious meal trying to decipher the meaning of this odd sight. Perhaps a mermaid or a crashing wave would be better suited for a bay-side fire pit. But why the friendly whale? We were trying to match the smiling whale from a toddler's cardboard picture book to the dangerously passionate hurricane of flames - and it just wasn't happening.

Suddenly, it dawned on my wife! With her astute powers of observation and spiritual discernment she declared, "It's like Moses and the burning bush! Just as the bush was on fire but was not consumed, so the whale is not consumed by the fire."

"Aha!", I said. "And Jonah was eaten by a whale!"

"Yes!" she said. "Jonah was consumed by the whale, but the whale was not consumed by the fire. Therefore," she reasoned, "Jonah was not consumed by the fire!"

"Just like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego!" I finally declared.

We were so contented and proud of ourselves for unraveling this complicated, Old Testament metaphor that we decided not to care that we didn't have the foggiest clue as to its meaning. We had solved this puzzle, gosh darnit, and we wouldn't let it dampen our spirits that its purpose was completely inane and irrelevant to any of life's questions.

So we conversed on slightly related topics over the rest of our dinner. Like Jonah and the whale versus Jonah and the "big fish." We decided that for correct biblical interpretation and scientific accuracy, we'd someday tell our children the story of Jonah and the Coelacanth. Next to that fire pit, anything seemed more reasonable.

Please don't hang up

2005-01-13T09:05:00.000-08:00

If you ever receive a phone call at home just as you're sitting down to dinner and it begins with, "Please don't hang up. This is not a telemarketing call." go ahead and hang up. It IS a telemarketing call. I mean, do these people think there's a monkey on the other end of the line. Of course it's a telemarketing call!

If they're not telemarketing then why can't they just come out and say who they are? Maybe these folks don't realize that most non-telemarketing calls begin with, "Wassup Ben! This is Rick! How's it going?" or "Hey there, hubby-wubby. I miss you." or "Ben, this is your father. Your mother wants to know why you haven't called." Nobody that you really actually want to talk to ever needs to begin a phone conversation with, "Please don't hang up. This is not a telemarketing call. This is just your friend Rick. And I just wanted to find out how you're doing. This will only take a moment of your time."

Now most of the time when I deal with telemarketers, I use the polite but firm approach. I just say, "No thanks" and hang up before they even get the chance to not take "no" for an answer. But I've heard of some other creative ways to deal with these folks. One friend of mine says stuff like, "No, but how about if I call you during dinner and try to sell you a gas powered mini-quiche slicer." Another more eternally minded lady says that she'll give the telemarketer five minutes if they give her five minutes. Then after listening to their pitch, she shares the Gospel with them. That's cool!

Since I just started this blog yesterday, I figure this is a fun way to get some feed back started. So how do you handle these calls? Let us all know your creative method of wrangling these ear leeches by leaving a comment below.

We'll see if I can't think of something serious to talk about tomorrow.

Is anyone listening?

2005-01-12T09:45:00.000-08:00

So a few of my friends have blogs and it seems like a really cool idea. But up till now I've been asking myself, "Self, does it really matter what you have to say? You're no scholar, only an amature philosopher, and only hilarious on those other days." Time and again I've almost posted comments on my friend's boards, but then I wonder "How does this help anyone? Maybe I should just shut up, listen, and learn."

So I told my friends about this last night and they said I was absolutely right, but that that is exactly what a blog is for!

So here I am, starting every paragraph with the word "so" and wondering who out there is actually interested in my ramblings. If you're reading this, I would really love it if you would just let me know with a short comment. I guess I'm hoping that someone out in internet land who's got lots of friends will stumble on this blog and tell everyone that it's the best thing since sliced cheese. Like maybe the next time Tom Cruise goes on 20/20 he'll tell Barbara Walters, "I found this really awesome blog that I read everyday. This guy just talks about funny things he has observed or pretends to have observed. But he also has really deep insights about why people just don't get along, and how we all should be a little more humble. He's become a really good friend of mine, people say we look alike, and I think I'll fully finance his world travels."

So, maybe that last part was something I made up. We'll try this blog thing again tomorrow.

2005-01-01T13:00:00.000-08:00